Love addiction: help when you feel addicted to a person

Being in love can feel like a drug, and for some people that’s more than a figure of speech. You think about them from the moment you wake up. Your mood rises and falls with every message, or every silence. You keep going back to a relationship you know isn’t good for you, or you move from one intense romance to the next because being alone feels unbearable.

Love addiction, sometimes called relationship addiction, isn’t a formal diagnosis. But the pattern is real, and so is the pain. It’s a habit of the mind and the heart, and with the right support and your own effort it can change.

Signs you might be addicted to a person

You think about them most of the day, and it crowds out work, friends and sleep
Your mood depends on whether they’ve replied, called or noticed you
You keep going back to them even when the relationship hurts you
You let your own plans, interests and friendships slide whenever you’re with someone
You feel panic or emptiness at the thought of being single
You check their social media or your messages over and over

Why it’s hard to stop

Falling for someone can feel intensely rewarding. When affection comes and goes unpredictably, a warm message one day and silence the next, the pull gets stronger rather than weaker. You keep chasing the next high, and the lows make the highs feel even more important.

For many people the pattern goes back a long way. If love felt uncertain when you were growing up, or you learned that your worth depended on being wanted, a relationship can feel like the thing that holds you together. Losing it, or even the fear of losing it, can feel like too much to bear.

How hypnotherapy can help with love addiction

In sessions we work on the pull itself: the racing thoughts, the urge to check or make contact and the dread of being alone. In hypnosis you can rehearse staying calm when the urge hits, and start building a sense of worth that doesn’t depend on one person. We also look at what you’re really looking for in these relationships, so you can recognise it when it’s offered in a healthier way.

You may still need to make hard choices, like cutting contact or giving yourself time before the next relationship, and those choices stay yours. Hypnotherapy can’t make them for you, and how much it helps varies. What sessions can do is make those choices easier to stick to.

How to stop being obsessed with someone: things you can try today

Write down what the relationship costs you, and read it back when the urge to make contact is strong.
Put a delay between the urge and the action. Wait 20 minutes before you send any message, and see if you still want to. If they’ve asked you not to contact them, keep to that.
Mute or unfollow them, and move old photos and messages somewhere you won’t stumble across them.
Spend time with friends who knew you before this relationship, and say yes to plans that are just for you.
Notice the feeling underneath the urge. Loneliness, boredom and anxiety each need something different from you.
Give yourself a set time before dating again, so you can get to know yourself on your own terms.

If the relationship is controlling or abusive

Sometimes what feels like love addiction is the pull of a relationship that’s controlling or abusive. If someone frightens you, checks up on you, cuts you off from friends or controls your money, that isn’t your fault, and help is there. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free and open 24 hours on 0808 2000 247. If you’re in danger, call 999.

If you’re feeling hopeless or thinking about ending your life, call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time.

For support with the pattern itself, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) UK runs meetings around the UK and online, and they’re open to people dealing with love addiction, romantic obsession and co-dependent relationships. Relate offers counselling for individuals as well as couples.

If the relationship has ended and you can’t move on, see my page on being addicted to an ex. If you tend to lose yourself in looking after a partner’s needs, codependency may fit better.

Common questions

Can you be addicted to a person?

Not in a formal medical sense, but many people describe it in exactly those words. When you think about someone constantly, your mood depends on them and you can’t stay away even when it hurts, it works a lot like other addictions. The check on this page can help you see where you sit.

What’s the difference between love addiction and codependency?

They often overlap. Love addiction is about the pull of the relationship itself: the highs, the obsession and the fear of being alone. Codependency is more about losing yourself in looking after someone else’s needs. Many people recognise a bit of both.

Will you tell me to leave my partner?

No. That’s your decision. What I can do is help you see the relationship more clearly and feel steadier while you decide. If you tell me you’re in danger, I’ll point you to people who can help you stay safe.

How many sessions will I need?

It depends on whether this is about one person or a pattern that keeps repeating, and how long it has gone on. One 90 minute session can be spent on the urge to check or make contact. Booking three means we can also work on your sense of worth, so it doesn’t rest on one person. We can talk about which suits you on a consultation call.

How do sessions work?

We meet one to one over Zoom, so you can join from somewhere private at home. We work from your own relationships and the moments the pull is strongest, and you get a recording of the hypnosis to listen to afterwards.